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Here you go again.

Posted By lynababy on Feb 19, 2010 at 10:06AM

I think he just can't get enough of finding fault. After we chat, i appologies and seriously didn't expect him to feel that way WHICH I DIDN'T. And there you false accusion. I just can be bothered case the more i think of it, the more i feel like tearing...  close my eyes and think of someone else and anything else beside putting 100% concerntration. Sorry if i don't cause i just PULL THE CURTAIN DOWN.

And that is such a trn off... what such a boyfriend. And Facebook really is giving much of a prblem in relationship.... " Before yo start to look into partners mistake please take the time to look at yours."


And the curtains are drawn down.

He calls me immature, what i felt.

Posted By lynababy on Jan 19, 2010 at 8:24AM

Nobody is mature... nobody knows how to handle situation sometimes becase they are caught up with their emotions. I'm immature to differentiate about him telling his (girl) friend about our relationship when she don't even know me at all AND a councellor. a certified councellor knows what best. But a person whom barely even know me is not certified to be told to.

Why i think he's immature is because he brought up something so small/past quarrel that was settle back then and bring it up. few days back he accepted a girl who was my primary school friend that he DON'T EVEN KNOW at fb. why i was mad it felt unfair i did something good by deleting people that wasn't associate with me so he wouldn't be insecure. This is unfair. But i didn't drag. Less than an hour i appologies and the next day he blew it at me again. and bout few hours it was settled. Then now he's bringing this topic out.


So what is immaturity?

insecure feeling rushing around my small brains.

Posted By lynababy on Jan 9, 2010 at 10:07PM

Again and again the negativity evolves. When you're so happy in the beginning at the end of the day it turns sour.

"i think the only way to get over you is to be with somebody else its like transfers of heart."(heartpain) Its so true, the only way to trust you is to believe in it. And believing it seem so hard i'll never want to think of it. If i really want to get over you, and not love you this is what i'll do, love someone else behind you back and give a little hint here and there... if this is what you are doing, giving hint and such.... i rather choose straight forward.


not wanting to save up if i ask you to and still insisted not to, thats another sign.

nak perang, perang habis2, but you said you can't cause you love me, and the only way to not love me is to love someone else, then perang habis2. thats the link. I hate it for sure. for sure i hate this feeling, insecurity.

I didn't have my eyes on anyone not a behind you back sneaking out. I don't know i just want to see how things go. All i know i'm weak and i have to appear strong...


i wish that what i felt now is not real and not going to happen. i really wish.

Posted By lynababy on Jan 2, 2010 at 10:55AM

I don't know what to say besides, we're not the same anymore. And i don't like this. It's like you don't feel a thing even if i'm going off for 6 days. It's like i'm dolly for pleasing, and that you're nowhere to be found.

Couldn't tell me how much you're gonna miss me. Couldn't bother spending the night with me talking before i go off... just your spare part. I don't like it. I don't get the attention i need. I hate it.. Its fun being with you. But after that i'm on my own. Sometime i feel like calling up some random guys and talk like there's nothing's on betweeen the both of us. just like a prostitute. pay 40 buck for sex then go home and i don't know what you're doing. I'm being abandon in a way. it's a torture right now that i'm crying... i am crying and there's simply no one to hear... i'm not close to anyone else but him. and i'm being treated like this. There's no more priority. i have to live and stay up on my own.

I love you, but i'm not happy....

Posted By lynababy on Dec 30, 2009 at 10:55AM

I'm so sorry, but now it's really no more a great thing to talk to you at night. I just can't, i've not been talking to any other guy except you. You're always busy and we hardly talk. So i got so imune to it that i just don't feel like talking to you and i rather do something on the computer, clean my room, dance or other things. It's just so hard now. Been too bored at home and i can't talk to you often, it's either you are not carrying around the fone anywhere ard the house, or sleeping, or busy with your football manager... It's like im there when you need and when i need you, you're always busy.. I try and i've tried to understand, but this is like too much... i can't... i can feel that the love is decreasing and i am doing myself a favour to bring it back up. Yeah.


I just want to go KL asap to think of what i should do with myself... and i feel really bad for forgeting wanny's birthday... hmm and i can see she's talking about me that she no longer declare that i'm her bestfriend... but the truth is, bestfriend whom you are close to, like your bf. comparing her and lizz i can say the only long term friend i have is lizz.... i like her... because of the way she advise... and she's not like a friend... she's like my big sister... i treat her more. n wanny, she just a friend.. i know she's close to lynette and her school friends... she hardly call or msg, i did the same... and if this is because of forgeting to wish her, im madly sorry... haiz... life.

i guess thats all for now..

Title of the day,

Posted By lynababy on Dec 15, 2009 at 10:13AM

" I don't know if i'm feeling it like before "

Sory to say but i can't be bothered. Like talking to you isn't any fun. It's like i'm fooling walking on a ground full of landmines. You step on it it's either you're injured or dead. This man has too many landmines. every inch of it. So Everytime we have a conversation i have to play allyna(listener, smiley wiley) then effurr(cheeky and talkative) the only time i'm being effurr is when i'm with wanny or lizz. true enuff they've seen all side of me, from tears to anger to tell me something i don't really know. But with this Man, i play allyna, does he play the same role too? i don't think so. i talk he kept quiet and doing something that distracts him not once many times that i can't be bother to talk, lies by saying i need my sleep then just ignore.

Seriously i don't feel like going out with him like i wanna be a latecomer. but its unfair. so i won't. so he wants to clear his leave but always something else came up. wow like i give a damn. do whatever you want i have 0 assurance i'll settle down with you.

lets play boring this time ok.

now all the negativity's out time for positiveness. bye.

What the hell is with man?

Posted By lynababy on Dec 12, 2009 at 7:37AM

Why do people have to get mad to the person he/she knows just accidentally step on his/her leg. I understand he's fractured last 4 mnths, and in the process of healing, i did my part to aplogize and calm him down after calling me brainless. i didn't take it too hard. But being pushed aways when you're doing the right thing by comforting, hurts enough. its like comforting from a gf won't work. So why be in a relationship? for sex? for havin company? for killing time and boredom?

The best thing he chase me away. The laast thing ever that triggers. Quarelling isn't that bad still can calm things down... but " eh jalan pegi balik arr " too much already lah chibai.

Sacrifice the job offer, trying to postpone to sunday just to accompany him buy his stuff. When he already bought the lappy. Now it's such a big regret to sacrifice for something useless. Simply useless lah i tell you. Never ever pawn your job/job offer for a guy. PATHETIC. Just because of pity, you loose a job. thanks alot.

Yes this i like a call off, not sure. still mad at him and his last msg for now i guess "fine, i won't pester you anymore.... good bye". BYE!

i won't regret that much arr... he want to compromise so let him i won't, period. here's my ego talkin fuck. i don't give a damn about mans guys.... such a big burden lah kan. smua same, mate kat pompan lain, dah kawin masih nak main giler ngn pompan lain... sial. if alot of guys are doing this, its like a trend as you can see so the younger generation will start doing it.

Melayu mmng boleh kawin 4 but reason why nabi muhammad s.a.w kawin 4 because he's giving shelter to the poor woman who's lost their husband. not for sex fuckermans.

had enough with toleratin mans... too much.


calling me brainless and all thos harsh word is not what i need. fuck. GROW UP!


Posted By lynababy on Dec 2, 2009 at 11:56AM

Highlight 3 hours and 15 minutes. The duration of time to waste while i pack my essentials and all the make up kits to work. I was wondering why am i not asleep. Life before has never been so bored this way even when i didn't sleep the whole day, probably due to the cut of so many tv shows from my scv. And another thing, i didn't want to wake up like hours late for work. i learn my lesson well dudettes... And another thing to bring up, tommorow which is friday won't be meeting that guy, yeah my bf. reasons he gave at the very last minutes pulled me down when i was still frustrated that we hardly talked or text. I text he ignored and he can pick up some other guy calls...bullshiting me isn't it. I rather not bring it up before it goes blast off and break up. oh i *toot*.

It's been a really tough shit looking for contacts to really bring up my experience and i am so so looking forward to this malay drama even if its for 1/2 or the episode but brighter side are at least i can distribute this bloody namecard i designed and paid for... its still in a box and looked like it has never been touche before... i'm seriously in deep trouble thats y i decide to take up a part time job just in case there's no other programmes/drama.

Life at home well i can tell you its suck to the freaking core, being like the worthless daughter of the house who sleeps 7am and wakes up 4pm and only does folding of clothes and vacumm the house of a bloody two-floor. Let me tell you this, with no one to talk at night has turned my world upside down so is my emotions are like dumping loads of clothing in the washing machine and it turns and turns and sudden spark and the washing machine's un workable.

Lets look at the brighter side. needs to work to pay off the MOM-LOAN cost of a bloody big digits. Savings for future, for marriage, if not for overseas school of make up. And earning more that 1.8k in few years to come.
that my world my pathetic perfect world i adore and living with... i won't regret but i'll cherish every parts of the downs and ups.


Insecurity is bad.

Posted By lynababy on Dec 1, 2009 at 10:20AM

Just when you thought, i really mean thought that your man is faithfull. Look at it properly. why have he created another accont and not know about it? right. thats a really damn test for insecurity. So in fact he did have another accnt zorpia and i got to find out about cause i have access tru his mail... now big question, did he have another email account?hmm thats a frustration. i don't trust him like of course.


Posted By lynababy on Nov 23, 2009 at 11:35AM

Thing have been a little out of hands lately. Love is beautiful yet challenging. But Being in love AND don't feel the love in return? No woman can handle that. I always trust, Giving extra trust but girls can be extremely suspicious. and another thing men are bad at hiding their lies... Oh boy tell me what i'm talking about. INSECURITY.

Just yesterday he mantion "i think my love is fading. But that doesn't mean i don't love you."

the reason behind all this is when girls get too suspicious and can't take control over their emotion and BOOOM

"I DON'T TRUST YOU ANYMORE!!"  Thats me... yeah... and when i found my was overeactiing and didn't look into his appointment card properly and accused him for all his lies. I admit i was wrong, i apologies and felt so stupid after that and tried to make it up to him.

Then comes the next day, he didn't expect i was staying over at a friend's chalet. I AM FICKLE MINDED it's been 2 + freaking years and he know's that. so i made that last decision.  and he was mad of that last min but not the decision. haha

the following day, is when he confess it all, feeling are fading, he can't be bother. You know one thing about me, i hate being in a hard decision to choose. When you choose, You might regret or might not. And the decision is his... He ask a simple question, Its simple cause i've felt all that happen but as ussual i can't ask or it's going to be " STOP BEING SO SUSPICIOUS..... YOU DON'T TRUST ME? HOW CAN YOU ASK THIS STUPID QUESTION."BLABLALBA... i know him to well is when u ask, he won't tell he'll only tell when he feels like it.

Just when the incident he asked... issit ok if i were to hang out with a girl friend of mine when you're busy... with a zap OF TIME  i realise and had a feeling he was keeping something but didn't was to show it. Instead i said " i don't mind as long as you tell.." " actually i was chating with WIWI last few day and we talk about our relationship..." i blew.... how could you tell a girl whom i knew by name and you can tell her about me.... unfair and ashamed!

few days later i wasn't feeling normal like i need to know about her and stuff... so i found her blog with his picture, MY BLOODY BOYFRIEND LIED TO ME! HE WENT OUT WITH A GIRL 2 DAYS STRAIGHT AND NOT TELL ME! i got so upset and wanted to call-off the relationship! he ask her out, sent him to polyclinic which u can just wait for me for a few hour and the best thing HE FREAKING LIED!

So not going to explain longer version and so it took me 1 whole night just crying and solving it. He went out as a friend, and i was working and wanted to go to a cheaper clinic which closes early. and the day before he WAS BORED, so he ask her to chill under the block. like fuck the more i think of this the more i get mad.

So you can see i'm not really over with it, and still mad about it.And the trust are TRUTHFULLY not there 100%.

So back to the story, He said it was about me not trusting him and so.... thats why he's been like the OH-I-CAN'T-BE-BOTHER attitude. Can't blame him... he's focusing more on tv then on the phone, he's been talking less then he used to,set meeting rules which is DUMB, and all i can say is strange. and today, he's been singing this part over and over again "when i love you a little less then before " so if you're thinking what tittle, broken string and and he ask if i want to bermadu. (bermadu meaning= a man living with 2 womans in his life) its in malay i felt i could chop off his little brother(dick). When things are happening clues will appear. all this little hints...

People don't know that he's been calling me names, telling me to stop acting cute which he used to love me doing all sort of reaction, and accuse public for hating it. Just few days during the chalet, i observe my bestfriend lovingly fooling around with her boyfriend being so cute and all, i suddenly say to myself, this isn't a pain in the eye, this is sweet, its the sweetest love. I turn back to think of his word, i cursed and swear in my heart just to let out the anger. I see he's falling out of love and thats why he find it amusing when he sees me acting cute, when its my nature reaction.

Now i find myself giving up in this relationship, i can't be bother. I know he's trying to get back the feeling but somehow inside me i don't want him to. Its like i want this to end. If this is the first time, i'm back on track, but then this ever happened before, so i can't trust it won't happen again, i can't trust this "trying to get back the feeling" will even happen.

I feel he likes someone but won't confess. i truly felt that way.

At this moment which i'm going to end my first entry is ...

Now i can't be bothered too after all the thing he said. I CAN'T BE BOTHER. but my bestfriend said just go with the flow, if i have the confidence the go on... do what he says... go with his needs/wants. And in the loosing end, ME. But if i were to be there, i wish i'd find a better man in exchange for the heartbreak. Oh god if this is the plan, then grant me my wish. i want to  get married with a better person. HAHAHAHA oh... or maybe that better person could just find me. What a heroic story... aww... till the next progress... toodles.


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