Thing have been a little out of hands lately. Love is beautiful yet challenging. But Being in love AND don't feel the love in return? No woman can handle that. I always trust, Giving extra trust but girls can be extremely suspicious. and another thing men are bad at hiding their lies... Oh boy tell me what i'm talking about. INSECURITY.
Just yesterday he mantion "i think my love is fading. But that doesn't mean i don't love you."
the reason behind all this is when girls get too suspicious and can't take control over their emotion and BOOOM
"I DON'T TRUST YOU ANYMORE!!" Thats me... yeah... and when i found my was overeactiing and didn't look into his appointment card properly and accused him for all his lies. I admit i was wrong, i apologies and felt so stupid after that and tried to make it up to him.
Then comes the next day, he didn't expect i was staying over at a friend's chalet. I AM FICKLE MINDED it's been 2 + freaking years and he know's that. so i made that last decision. and he was mad of that last min but not the decision. haha
the following day, is when he confess it all, feeling are fading, he can't be bother. You know one thing about me, i hate being in a hard decision to choose. When you choose, You might regret or might not. And the decision is his... He ask a simple question, Its simple cause i've felt all that happen but as ussual i can't ask or it's going to be " STOP BEING SO SUSPICIOUS..... YOU DON'T TRUST ME? HOW CAN YOU ASK THIS STUPID QUESTION."BLABLALBA... i know him to well is when u ask, he won't tell he'll only tell when he feels like it.
Just when the incident he asked... issit ok if i were to hang out with a girl friend of mine when you're busy... with a zap OF TIME i realise and had a feeling he was keeping something but didn't was to show it. Instead i said " i don't mind as long as you tell.." " actually i was chating with WIWI last few day and we talk about our relationship..." i blew.... how could you tell a girl whom i knew by name and you can tell her about me.... unfair and ashamed!
few days later i wasn't feeling normal like i need to know about her and stuff... so i found her blog with his picture, MY BLOODY BOYFRIEND LIED TO ME! HE WENT OUT WITH A GIRL 2 DAYS STRAIGHT AND NOT TELL ME! i got so upset and wanted to call-off the relationship! he ask her out, sent him to polyclinic which u can just wait for me for a few hour and the best thing HE FREAKING LIED!
So not going to explain longer version and so it took me 1 whole night just crying and solving it. He went out as a friend, and i was working and wanted to go to a cheaper clinic which closes early. and the day before he WAS BORED, so he ask her to chill under the block. like fuck the more i think of this the more i get mad.
So you can see i'm not really over with it, and still mad about it.And the trust are TRUTHFULLY not there 100%.
So back to the story, He said it was about me not trusting him and so.... thats why he's been like the OH-I-CAN'T-BE-BOTHER attitude. Can't blame him... he's focusing more on tv then on the phone, he's been talking less then he used to,set meeting rules which is DUMB, and all i can say is strange. and today, he's been singing this part over and over again "when i love you a little less then before " so if you're thinking what tittle, broken string and and he ask if i want to bermadu. (bermadu meaning= a man living with 2 womans in his life) its in malay i felt i could chop off his little brother(dick). When things are happening clues will appear. all this little hints...
People don't know that he's been calling me names, telling me to stop acting cute which he used to love me doing all sort of reaction, and accuse public for hating it. Just few days during the chalet, i observe my bestfriend lovingly fooling around with her boyfriend being so cute and all, i suddenly say to myself, this isn't a pain in the eye, this is sweet, its the sweetest love. I turn back to think of his word, i cursed and swear in my heart just to let out the anger. I see he's falling out of love and thats why he find it amusing when he sees me acting cute, when its my nature reaction.
Now i find myself giving up in this relationship, i can't be bother. I know he's trying to get back the feeling but somehow inside me i don't want him to. Its like i want this to end. If this is the first time, i'm back on track, but then this ever happened before, so i can't trust it won't happen again, i can't trust this "trying to get back the feeling" will even happen.
I feel he likes someone but won't confess. i truly felt that way.
At this moment which i'm going to end my first entry is ...
Now i can't be bothered too after all the thing he said. I CAN'T BE BOTHER. but my bestfriend said just go with the flow, if i have the confidence the go on... do what he says... go with his needs/wants. And in the loosing end, ME. But if i were to be there, i wish i'd find a better man in exchange for the heartbreak. Oh god if this is the plan, then grant me my wish. i want to get married with a better person. HAHAHAHA oh... or maybe that better person could just find me. What a heroic story... aww... till the next progress... toodles.